Why we get haters
Everything in your life that you do, you will attract haters on some level. To me, when you get a hater for the first time, it can be difficult to handle them. My first genuine hater I’ve gotten I actually blocked him after ignoring his comments whenever he posted them. I actually talked about him in the past in a few journal entries as well, but that’s beside the point. I don’t think that I handled the situation poorly but it did get me wondering about something.
Why do we have haters?
For me I believe that my task at hand is noble. I want to help people in some way shape or form. I don’t consider my advice expert advice and I do advise people to seek professional help. But any person can do what I’m doing right now. All you need is a phone or a laptop and wifi.
To top it off I’m doing research for each video so it’s not like I’m giving out false information.
But even if what I believe I’m doing is good, some people still show their disgust and even hate towards me. And the same goes for other people regardless of their cause. Again why are they doing this?
Some hate is warranted of course. There are some people who do bad things. Hate towards them is definitely warranted for that reason. But I’m talking about the person who genuinely and is truly helping someone and is getting hate for it.
So today I want to be answering this question. There’s many answers to this but I want to list off some of the reasons why we get haters in our lives. But first let’s take some time to talk about negativity. Why? Because it does play a role in this.
As we know negativity is a very prominent theme in today’s society and it’s there for several reasons. Firstly..
Negativity and hate sells
One thing that Gary Vaynerchuk says at times is selling positivity is the toughest sell in the world and it’s true. That’s because negativity and hate sells. My growth has been incredibly slow even though I’m “selling” actionable advice and positivity. It’s a lot easier to think negatively and have a negative mindset than to have a positive one. Think about it.
Our news channels are negative, and many people are profiting off of things that harm the planet and the world. That’s why oil is a profitable business even if we know it hurts the planet. Not to mention that several businesses in the past have profited off of the misfortunes of others. Whether they set up a scam to lure people in (Enron for example) or it’s a legitimate business who’s hired children workers.
My point is is that harming people or harming the world is good for business. Even when we hear about it, it is horrible but it also sets a standard. A sort of mindset. The only way you can go up in the world is to screw every person that you have close to you. There are many other ways to go up in the world but there is more emphasis on this perspective. Because negativity and hate sells.
Don’t believe me? Check presidential debates these days.
They’re more like reality TV shows where one candidate rips into the other to gain more power. And it works because we sit there and watch it. Again negativity and hate sells.
But there’s a bit more to it than that. For one…
Hate is unusual
This will make more sense as I explain my other points. But hate is unusual as this Quora answer above suggests. Think a little bit about it. Especially if you’ve taken history classes before. About 100 or even 200 years ago it wasn’t weird to enslave people.
In this day and age, you would see this as clearly human slavery, it being illegal. And if any person was ever caught doing that, there are some serious repercussions. We have many protesters opposing NEGATIVE changes in this day and age. That’s why modern times is far more positive than you might think.
Hate is unusual because there are many people opposed to negative things. We see that in the form of multiple protests. If human slavery was still a “normal thing” you would be perfectly comfortable with it. And as we know the news profits from sharing news that people will actually consume.
One hundred or two hundred years ago you wouldn’t find an article about how horrible human slavery is. Now, it certainly is and a story on that would make headlines if it occurs.
So how does this lead back to negativity?
Well because our news channels are reporting on hate crimes, violence, war, murder and so on, it’s created a world image. That the world is a terrible place filled with negativity. The world is a more positive place right now. We have people protesting changes that do far more harm than good. 100 or 200 years ago you wouldn’t see anyone protesting human slavery because it was considered normal.
But because we are bombarded with negative headlines it’s easier to slip into a negative mindset. That’s generally how the vast majority of people think. That leads to my next point.
Society is generally negative
The most subtle of ways is regarded in giving out bad advice or having bad habits or thinking negatively. Not necessarily hate, but in general having a poor mindset.
Characteristics like shifting the blame to someone else, never setting goals, think they know everything are examples of poor mindset. Here’s a chart that expands more on that.
A lot of people are on the red side of this chart. I remember I asked my mom what her new years resolution was. Even though I don’t necessarily believe in it, I believe it’s important to set yearly goals at the least.
My mom didn’t have any. In fact if she isn’t working she normally is reading a book (romance novels) or watching TV.
I do set goals. I do read self-help books and invest in myself. And I rarely watch TV other than Youtube.
But my mom isn’t the only example. A lot of other people in the world don’t set goals. In fact their lives are seemingly repetitive like my mom’s. They wake up, work, watch TV, sleep, and repeat.
They’re not successful, yet they are exposed to other successful people. Whether it’s their manager or the owner of the company they’re working for, or someone on TV. They are seeing other peoples success. Not to mention taking in a good amount of negative news.
This leads to people generally thinking negatively. It’s the successful people who actually avoid this stuff. It’s very rare you will see a successful individual sitting in front of a TV or blaming someone else for their own mistakes. And they most certainly set goals. They may not talk about them is all.
But one thing that stood out to me the most is this one.
Tribalism is hard wired into our brains
This stood out to me because as I was talking about before perspectives are important. However people use perspectives to divide us. From sports teams, political parties, favourite colours, and so on. And this works very well if you think about our evolution process and also history. Check this population curve for example.
Remember birth control didn’t exist several hundred years ago or even millions of years ago. What that meant is people were more at risk of getting sick and dying. Those may occur at very young ages where the person wouldn’t be able to reproduce at that time. This resulted in such a small population. Again we didn’t hit 1 billion until the 1800s, just 200 years ago.
Before that we were in the millions. Before we started count year 1 AD we had even less. In fact the 1500s we were coasting on 1 or 2 million people. Mind you these are estimates but still the numbers are significantly smaller than the nearly 8 billion people that are on earth right now.
Because the population was so small, you turned to the only people you could actually trust, family and your tribe. Lest you be eaten or raped or both potentially by other tribes. So it was smart to stick with your group and not cozy up to other people.
Because there was this close knit community, letting other people in was very risky. Again a tribe member could be captured, eaten and raped. But because this kind of exclusiveness was so prominent it’s manifested into something more modern but still kind of similiar. In modern times these are known as cliques.
There are more subtle forms of this such as again being part of a sports team, rival fast food company preferences, etc. It’s created this sort of complex to us that the opposing side is “weird”. More obvious and extreme signs of this are gangs, religious groups, racism groups, and so on.
Not only does this really divide us further, but it gives us a reason to hate. My team is better than yours. Wendy’s has better burgers than McDonalds. White nationalists, our views of the LGBTQ community are examples.
But in the end this doesn’t really answer why we have haters. This only explains why negativity is so prominent. But negativity does manifest into hate for some people. And that hate will get directed to you for a variety of reasons.
Why we get haters
Today’s Let’s Talk is focusing on this and I raised a few points to keep in mind about haters. However haters can hate you for various reasons.
Stemming from a negative mindset due to the above reasons you can get haters because they see something within you. Or you are showing something to them indirectly that they don’t like. Here’s a few reasons.
They want to be like you
Obviously since I’m in the Youtube world, a lot of creators get a lot of hate. It’s part of Youtube and it’s part of business. If you make a video showing off your life, giving the opportunity for people to have a peek at what you do, you will be at risk of getting haters. The main reason is they see what you have and they want that as well.
From my understanding it comes down to perspective and how you view yourself and your life. For me if I see someone living the life I want to lead, I’d rather work on obtaining that lifestyle or even having a better lifestyle than them. Many other people think that way. However some people have trouble with that and decide choose to hate instead.
Haters can’t control negativity
This one I came to my own conclusions and is a theory of mine. Through the research that I did it makes sense to me that haters struggle with controlling negativity.
Like the screen shot above suggests, there is this psychological imbalance. Like I said, when I see someone living a life I want to lead, me amongst others would strive to obtain it. Others will choose to hate.
I believe a lot of it stems from the fact that the person chooses to be in a negative environment. And once they see something that questions their morality, they lash out. They can’t control it.
All they need is a reason to hate and you give them a reason directly or indirectly. Living a lifestyle that they want to have can be a reason but there are several others.
Haters see a reminder within you
Whether it’s a flaw that they have (laziness, lack of self-esteem, lack of initiative, over-planning, etc.) or you remind them of someone that hurt them, it’s a reminder. It’s a reminder to them that because of this person or this flaw that they have, they aren’t where they want to be.
And ultimately they choose to lash out, to repress it from their lives. You happen to be the person that they chose and sent them off of the edge.
[ctt template=”5″ link=”gVGHn” via=”yes” ]But in the end, hating doesn’t really amount to much at all. [/ctt]
But in the end, hating doesn’t really amount to much at all. It’s a burst of emotions that the individual can’t control because they choose to stay and remain in a negative environment. And there really is one way to go about moving forward and that is this.
Focus on Positivity and Growth
I know this is very difficult, I actually spent four years of my life hating this one individual that was in my life. In 2009 I travelled across Canada and came back in 2010 a completely different person. How my hatred came was I got in a fight with one of my former friends. He was the one to burn that bridge, however I still had this hatred for him.
It’s because he told me I didn’t change at all. And I wanted to prove him wrong. I spent four years of my life fixated on holding this hatred determined to prove him wrong.
In the end I dropped it because I realized that, I don’t really care about this individual. True he did help me a bit in getting out of my comfort zone. However aside from that, his time in my life was brief and insignificant.
[ctt template=”5″ link=”278LK” via=”yes” ]Why are you harbouring this hate? Taking some time to understand that and answer that is important.[/ctt]
What got me to stop hating and moving on and focus on positivity and growth was asking a question. Why are you harbouring this hate? Taking some time to understand that and answer that is important. It’s important because most times your answer makes you sound silly.
I harboured hate for four years of my life towards a guy that played a minor role in my life. Furthermore he means nothing at all in my life right now.
It’s silly. And it doesn’t make sense.
Focus on positivity and growth. When I did that, I realized at the start when that hate started, I already proved that guy wrong. I got to travel across Canada and I realized many things about my life and worked on it bit by bit. I was different and I had nothing to prove to the guy.
What are your thoughts on hate, hatred, and haters? Leave a comment down below!
Enjoyed my writing? We probably could work together! Check out the hire a blogger tab above! Also send me an e mail with article ideas! I’m also happy to do guest posts for free.